Having something to look forward to

I always try to have something on the back burner that I can look forward to. Something genuinely fun / engaging / pleasant / challenging-in-a-good-way / new / different.

It doesn’t have to be big, or world changing. It just has to be a thing that I really want to experience. Knowing that such a thing is upcoming can hedge off the negativity. Right now, I’m looking forward to an evening out.

Last week I had a whole week of looking forward to visiting family. I know for some, that is a double edged sword. And I was somewhat nervous about seeing my dad for the first time since leaving school.  But to see the sister I only see twice a year, and to help a little one celebrate a birthday — those were things to very much look forward to.

So those are just a couple of recent examples of short term things.

It’s also important to have longer term things to look forward to. Right now I don’t have one of those. Except the VERY nebulous idea of writing a book. There, I said it out loud. I want to write a book. [I’ll probably spend a whole blog another day listing the reasons / excuses I have invented for not starting on it yet.]

Back to the looking forward thing:

When I was 12-13 years old and having my first brush with the idea of ending it all, I had a really important long term thing that kept me going most days. My sister had just had her first child. And I wanted to see him grow up. I would take him for walks and he would hold my hand. He trusted me so much.  I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to teach him things. I wanted to be around for stuff in his life. 

Wait a minute! Hold the phone!

I do have a lot of long term things to look forward to right now.

My younger son’s high school graduation.

My older son’s wedding.

Being a grandma (but no pressure, guys, not anytime soon). 

Yep. Life’s worth living !